He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
