would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
