so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
