Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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