I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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