I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
