note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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