:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
