I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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