1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
