she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
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$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
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They took my balls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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