i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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