yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think I died a long time ago.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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