I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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