He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
