After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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