im drinking this country out of the recession.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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