Soap is not a condiment
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
