Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
