forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize