You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pants are for mortals
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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