If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
