i just snorted my name. best moment ever
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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