your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize