I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im holly from the hills drunk
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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