I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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