I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
