so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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