This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish i was in the wii world.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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