And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Thank you for not boning my boss.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
