I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
