Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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