I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
