I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
