You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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