i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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