We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
