Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
