Where is the hickey?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
