Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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