Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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