Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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