Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
