Will you blow on my dice?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
