Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
