dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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