i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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