You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
