I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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