Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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