Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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