I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
