he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is her dick bigger than yours?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
