Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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