I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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