My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sext me about skeletons
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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