Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
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So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize