Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
