i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
