I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
