he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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