I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
