she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
