dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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