The maid of honor just puked.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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