Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
