I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
