she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She bit a glass in half.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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