dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
