my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
