Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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