Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
