You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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