She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
