my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
