I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
