He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
