today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
