if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Alive.
So much puke
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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