around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
