I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
