the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
