apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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