Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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