I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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