dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
