If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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