The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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