That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think my moral compass just broke
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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