Rock
Scissors
Fuck
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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