so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
