You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
